??What the Hell is Happening??

2004-01-19T11:37:00.000-08:00

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME You've been warned!
This story is probably an urban legend, and even if it is not I am fairly sure that it is quite impossible to get any references proving it. Also none of the participants have died or otherwise removed themselves from the gene pool. This is just an account of a terminal case of human stupidity leading to a number of accidents. Here it goes.

The place is a small regional center town in Soviet Union. The time is early 1980s. A local conference of college teachers is in progress. A few dozens of teachers came into town for the event and a few of them were situated in the local hotel. The hotel is very poor, but so are the teachers and 3 of them take a single room. Since there is not much to do in a small town at night, certain amount of alchoholic beverages is obtained from a local store and consumed.

During the conversation among the newly found friends one of the teachers (lets call him Dmitriy Petrovich) mentiones that it is a medical fact, that it is impossible to take a light bulb out of ones mouth once it was inserted there. This meets active disbelief of his two opponents who start questioning him as to what kind of light bulb he means and how come you cannot take it out, if you can put it in. Dmitriy Petrovich replies, that he is talking about a standard 100 Watt light balbs such as the one lighting their room, but lacking medical education he doesn't know the reason for not being able to remove it. Discussion heats up, and at some point one of his opponents desides that an experiment is necessary.

Mind you, that all of the teachers in the room are PhDs in various fields of exact science. Obviously not one of them is a medic. The light bulb is then removed and the most loud opponent (lets call him Vladimir) puts it into his mouth. In a few seconds it becomes clear that Dmitriy Petrovich was right, and it is quite impossible for Vladimir to remove the light balb due to peculiar clenching of jaw muscles.

After a short discussion the three friends decide to get Vladmir to a doctor. They get out of the hotel, and stop a cab. They drive to the hospital where they have to relate the story of the accident to the night nurse, who, after almost choking herself with giggles, calls the ER doctor. The doctor carefully examines Vladimir, and unexpectedly hits him with his fist in the back of the jaw. Vladimirs jaw falls open and the doctor returns the light bulb to Dmitriy Petrovich, explaining that Vladimir is not going to be able to use his mouth for a couple of hours due to the over stressed jaw muscles.

The three teachers get back into a cab and start driving home, when the third teacher starts complaining that the other two are playing him for a fool, that this is medicaly impossible for such phenomenon to exist and that he is about to prove it. He puts the light bulb into his mouth, the cab makes a U-turn and speeds back to the hospital. At the hospital, the nurse starts giggling when the three men enter the emergency room, and after hearing their new story falls of her chair laughing. After a little while she calls the surgeon, who chuckles, hits the 3rd teacher in the back of the jaw and removes the light balb.

The cab has left, so the three friends catch another one. Dmitriy Petrovich gets noto the front seat and puts his mute friends with their jaws hanging open in the back. Cab driver is mildly surprised by the unusual company of an obviously drunk giggling man and two others looking ilke village idiots, and asks about it. Dmitriy Petrovich asures teh driver that the other two are not idiots, but most educated people and the problem is their small argument about a light balb. After carefully listening to the whole story the driver asks what kind of light bulb is he talking about, and Dmitriy shows the hotel light bulb saying "this one". "Impossible" says the cab driver and in a few seconds the cab turns around and goes to the hospital.

When the nurse sees these guys the 3rd time inside 2 hours, she starts having rather serious breathing difficulties trying to laugh much harder then mother nature designed. After getting her in shape Dmitriy Petrovich makes her call the surgeon who, promptly hitting the cab driver in the jaw takes the light bulb and smashes it on the table saying that this should put an end to the story. The four men get back into the cab and drive to the hotel.

On the way they are stopped by the road patrol police unit. The policeman (militianer) is very surprized to find that the only person able to speak in a car full of people is a rather drunk man who tells him a wierd story about light balbs. "I will be right back" replies the policeman, goes back to the road side station, Dmitriy and companions whatch the ligh go off inside the station, and in a few seconds the policeman appears again. Using gestures he asks people on the back seat to move over. A metal end of a light bulb is sticking out of his mouth.

The cab goes back to the hospital. The nurse becomes hysterical with joy. After a few minutes of recuperation she goes to the cabinet of the surgeon to call him. She opens the door and falls to the floor unconscious. In the doorway appears the surgeon with his jaw hanging wide open.

2004-01-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

THE STELLA LIEBECK AWARDS

Time once again to review the winners of the annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee
on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the
Stella awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United
States. Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald's, the
teens who allege that eating at McDonald's has made them fat, was filed
after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 list
without question.

Here are this year's winners:
5th Place (tie):
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running
inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler
was Ms. Robertson's son.

(tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

(tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house
he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found
himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found,
and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation
caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The
award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence
into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her
coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson
had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to
the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:
This year's run away winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On his first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto
the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
surprisingly, the R. V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual
that he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new
motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying recreation vehicles

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-01-07T11:27:00.000-08:00

It's the little things.

It's the little things people remember. Take the time to learn what your spouse likes. Friends and coworkers to. Surprise them with a little something. It's doesn't take much to put a smile on a face and the best part is the feeling you get fomr doing so lasts a lot longer then the gift did.

2003-12-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

What's Next?

What's next in the big wave of TV crap? 1st there was war based TV show. WWII gave us a lot of them. Some of them were pretty good, I'll be the 1st to say that. But after the 1st 50 or so they really got bad. Next was the sitcoms. Again a few were good. While growing up there was the ones I always watched and I'm sure many others did as well. Honeymooners, All in the Family and so on. These were great show. For some reason the networks tried to push crap onto us, and the sad part is we watched. The Ropers? You know the land lord from 3's company. And it didn't get any better. Now the networks are on a crazy feeding frenzy that seems to have no end. And this all started with the 1st reality show "COPS". Think about it. Before COPS there was no such this as a reality show. Here is a show where you get to ride along with cops for a short time and see what they do. Again at 1st it was pretty cool. Seeing people being stupid and getting busted on TV was pretty funny. Then the networks saw the "nich" that COPS had made. They jumped at it and now we have a plethora or crap on TV.

Think I'm kidding? Here is a list of most if not all. Look at the list and then tell me we don't have a problem.

Reality TV Shows-US

Reality TV Sites

Casting Call Notices

Adrenaline X - NBC

All American Girl - ABC

All You Need is Love - FOX

Amazing Race-CBS

American Candidate - Showtime

American Fighter Pilots - CBS

American High-PBS

American Idol - FOX

American Juniors - FOX

America's Next Top Model - UPN

Anna Nicole Smith Show - E!

Anything for Love - FOX

The Apprentice - NBC

Are You Hot? - ABC

artistLaunch - MTV

Average Joe - NBC

The Bachelor - ABC

Bachelorettes in Alaska- FOX

Bands on the Run-VH1

Banzai - FOX

Battle of the Sexes - MTV

Big Brother 3-CBS

Big Brother 4-CBS

Boarding House: North Shore - WB

Boot Camp-FOX

Boston 24/7 - ABC

Boy Meets Boy - Bravo

Break In-USA

Cannonball Run-USA

The Casino - FOX

Cathouse - HBO

Celebrity Boxing - FOX

Celebrity Look Alike Dating - WB

Celebrity Poker - Bravo

The Chair - ABC

Chains of Love-UPN

Challenge America

The Chamber - FOX

Cheaters-Syndicated

Colonial House - PBS

Combat Missions-USA

Crashing With - MTV

Crime & Punishment - NBC

Cupid - CBS

Danger Island - Syndicated

Dating Experiment - ABC

Destination Space-NBC

Dog Eat Dog-NBC

Dot Comedy-ABC

Dream Chasers - A&E

Eco-Challenge-USA

Elimidate Deluxe-WB

Exhausted - FOX

Extreme Makeover - ABC

Faking It - TLC

Fame - NBC

The Family - ABC

Fantasy Island - NBC

Fear Factor-NBC

Final Justice - Lifetime

FM Nation - MTV

For Love or Money - NBC

Freshman Diaries - Showtime

Fraternity Life - MTV

Frontier House - PBS

The Gauntlet - MTV

The Hamptons - ABC

Hard Knocks - HBO

High School Reunion - WB

Hopkins 24/7-ABC

Houseguest - Syndicated

Houston Medical - ABC

I'm a Celebrity - ABC

Invasion of Hidden Cameras - FOX

I Want a Divorce-FOX

Jailbreak-ABC

Joe Millionaire - FOX

Joe Schmo - Spike

Krypton Factor - FOX

Last Comic Standing - NBC

Let's Make a Deal - NBC

Liza and David - VH1

Lost-NBC

Lost in the USA-WB

Love Cruise-FOX

Love Shack - NBC

Love Stories- CBS

Making the Band- MTV

Manhunt- UPN

Manor House - PBS

Married by America - FOX

Meet My Folks - NBC

Meet the Marks - FOX

Miss Dog Beauty Pageant - FOX

The Mole-ABC

Mr. Personality - FOX

mtvTreatment - MTV

Murder in Small Town X- FOX

Nashville Star - USA

Next Action Star - NBC

Newlyweds - MTV

No Boundaries- WB

The Osbournes - MTV

Paradise Hotel - FOX

The People Versus - ABC

Pepsi Play for a Billion - WB

Performing As - FOX

Popstars - WB

Profiles from the Front Lines - ABC

Project Greenlight - HBO

Public Property - ABC

Punk'd - MTV

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - Bravo

Race to the Altar - NBC

Real Beverly Hillbillies - CBS

RealityRun-Syndicated

The Real Roseanne Show - ABC

The Real World 10 - MTV

The Real World 11 - MTV

The Real World 12 - MTV

The Real World 13 - MTV

The Real World 14 - MTV

The Restaurant - NBC

Rich Girls - MTV

Rivals - ABC

Road Rules 11 - MTV

Road Rules 12 - MTV

The Runner-ABC

Search for a Playboy Centerfold - FOX

Search for the Most Talented Kid - NBC

Second Chance Idol - FOX

Second Chance - Most Talented Senior - NBC

Sexiest Bachelor Contest- FOX

Simple Life - FOX

Single Girls - ABC

Sorority Life - MTV

Spy TV - NBC

Star Chamber - FOX

Star Dates - E!

Star Search - CBS

Starting Over - NBC

State v. - ABC

Surf Girls - MTV

Surreal Life - WB

Survivor 1- CBS

Survivor 2- CBS

Survivor 3- CBS

Survivor 4- CBS

Survivor 5- CBS

Survivor 6- CBS

Survivor 7- CBS

Survivor 8- CBS

Suspect: True Crime Stories - MTV

The Swap - ABC

Temptation Island - FOX

Thirty Seconds to Fame - FOX

Til Death Us Do Part: Carmen & Dave - MTV

Trading Spaces - TLC

Under One Roof - UPN

Wanted- FOX

Weakest Link-NBC

What Not to Wear - TLC

Who's Got Game? - MTV

Who Wants to be a Millionaire-ABC

Who Wants to Date a Hooters Girl - Syndicated

Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire-FOX

Who Wants to Marry My Dad - NBC

The Will - ABC

World Idol - FOX

Worst Case Scenario - TBS

WWF Tough Enough - MTV

You Don't Know Jack - ABC

The only thing that I can wish for is that the brainless slugs that watch this crap stop watching it and want something new.
But I just don't see that happening anytime soon. =( It's really sad to see where mankind as a whole is going.

2003-11-11T13:55:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to do a site like this for a while. If you have something you want me to look into send me a e-mail dedmdz@yahoo.com.

1st Rant!!
I live in Washington State and I would like to tell the news to stop with all the G.R. (gary ridgeway) coverage. The man killed more people than any one person that we know of. ( He did all those killings alone. others have killed more but not by themselves) I think what they did in getting the close of all the open cases was a good thing. But do we really need to see the room that he slept in for the last 8 months? NO! Do we need to hear he sat in a uncomfotable chair so he would give up information? NO Shut up move on.
I would also like to add one thing here. To the families that G.R. hurt. I'm truly sorry for you all.